Unintended consequences of a government that works
the birthday round-up
If you’re receiving this newsletter it’s because you’re someone that I want to keep in touch with or you’re a new friend from the Internet!
Something I’ve noticed about living in Sweden is that life moves at a much slower pace for me. This newsletter was meant to be semi-regular, but what is time anyways?
Community is everything
I’ve been meditating a lot on How We Show Up by Mia Birdsong, where she writes about how we’re all longing for this feeling of closeness and what community and family could look like beyond the two parent, 2.5 kids model.
I was speaking to Caroline, a really lovely Lebanese woman who for the last 20 years has lived in Sweden and in the same apartment building while raising her children. Even though she’s light skinned and speaks fluent Swedish, she said her brown hair is what marks her as a foreigner.
She told me she’ll always wave and say hej to her neighbors, but they never acknowledge her back. When she makes a cake, she’ll share it her neighbors, but they never reciprocate. And yet, Caroline said that she’ll never change who she is because extending warmth is how she was brought up in her community. When I expressed I’ve been feeling lonely and unwelcome in Sweden, she looked me in the eyes and told me she welcomes me to Sweden and I will always be welcome here.
When you live in a (reasonably) functioning society where the government provides the social services they were elected to do, it can lead to a hyper-individualism and a culture of non-reliance on others. Swedes live by this tenet of not imposing on others, and taken to the extreme this results in things like #SwedenGate, which is much more than not feeding your child’s friends at dinnertime.
This creates a society of interiority in which people are open-minded enough to allow their neighbors to do whatever they want, yet keep very close bubbles around their own lives to avoid stress, discomfort, and the unfamiliar. This is a part of why we have a segregated society where ethnic minorities congregate in subcommunities in order to feel accepted and listened to.
– Lola Akinmade Åkerström
The United States is a really hard place to live, and we also have a culture of generosity, building community, and yes, of feeding children. For us, extreme scarcity and unreliable governments mean people come together and organize for the better because we know our liberation is connected.
When I left the United States, one of my biggest concerns was feeling disconnected from my community and friends. After months of Swedish winter and little social interaction, I really felt that way. So my therapist and I talked about ways to reach out to my friends from sending them TikToks, reading books together, to talking to them on the phone. I was very happy that I got to celebrate my birthday week in May with two friends who visited me and raised my blood sugar having fika every day, along with the lovely people I have met in Sweden.
On the left: me, Cynthia and Erica hanging out with Paddan the toad before we go on the boat tour.
On the right: My friends having a yummy dinner for my 31st birthday at Sjöbaren, managed by THE jolliest Swede I've met so far.
Swedish Pastry Rankings
On the left we have Erica eating a kardemummabulle from Lillebrors Bageri, a cute cafe in Stockholm. Solid 9/10 because it was caramelized and moist.
On the right we have a hagabulle from Cafe Husaren in Gothenburg, which is a GIANT cinnamon bun. I had my doubts, but it was surprisingly not dry. 7/10 only because it’s the kind you’d only order when people are visiting you.
Things I’m Loving Right Now
The Butterfly Lovers and thinking of little me who played gu zheng for 8 years
Working on this housing campaign to keep families in their homes in California
Zapping bug bites away AND for this movie to come out!
my astro-therapist, if you wanna do therapy differently/nerd out on vedic astrology
And if you’re going to NYC, the Sheng Jian Bao at Da Wei in Flushing
If you know someone, or a few people, who’d wanna learn more about some hot takes on Sweden or just what I’m up to, feel free to share!